Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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