You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
