evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
