Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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