fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
