That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
