I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize