I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
