we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
