Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
