my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
