why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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