I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
