the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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