She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
