I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
