took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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