This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
