the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
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