I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize