my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
