Nicole vs. Life
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
