lets start a swedish sibling band together
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I believe in your delicious
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
