I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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