My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
