would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
