Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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