so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
