I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
