but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
