So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
operation harelip BJ is a go
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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