First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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