update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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