As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize