I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
