Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Randomize
