I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize