Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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