I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize