Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
