Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
