i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
