Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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