Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
