If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
