I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
