It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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