I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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