Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
you never un-have a 4some
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
