Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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