omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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