no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Everyone says I win the strip club
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
