hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
