Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
