How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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