No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
