Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
