How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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