Umm I'm too high to move.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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