That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize