the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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