I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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