The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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