I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
