do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
