Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
