It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
