We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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