Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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