Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize