An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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