Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
