paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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