i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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