Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
