if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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