i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
