just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
