the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
