K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
