It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
