New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
