First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
