I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
