i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize