his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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