its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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