don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize