if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
