i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
