That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Boobs are out for the taking
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
