the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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