The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You need Xanax blowdarts
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
