Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize