Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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