my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
