i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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