The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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