I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
