Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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